After 4 years of writing letters — keeping it in a box and making blog posts for you, finally i’m down to my last one…
I believed I always lived the greatest love story, but even the most beautiful stories have their horrid chapters. 4 long years I found myself constantly chasing after something that I thought was my soul mate. I’ve given you my whole heart unconsciously. That I’ve opened up my heart to you while i’ve shut everybody else down. I did attempt to give away my heart to one guy within that duration, and realized that it was impossible because you still had it.
During those years i saw the opportunity of bettering myself as a woman, and all the traits I thought he deserved, after all he deserve nothing but the best. In the end no transformation to any woman could sway him back in my arms. But me being so stubborn and determined, no one stopped me. As many of you know, I always fought what I believed in — never give up on something you love (though it was me who gave up on our relationship years ago) but when do you stop being defeated? When does the self humiliation end? Is it still worth the pain?
I then realized the simplistic brutal truth that I knew was there the whole time, and I just didn’t want to accept it. It’s not going to happen. It’s not going to work out. It’s not worth it anymore. I held on when he let go a long time ago. A few weeks ago marked a big moment for me. As hard as I know, I have to. It’s my turn to let go..
Because in the end the people who matter will always be there for you. That’s real love. I now see that this wasn’t my greatest lovestory. But you were my 1st love and I know deep within me that no matter what I do, you’ll always have a place in my heart. And that my greatest lovestory is yet to be told. And I’ll be proud enough to tell it with whoever it may be.
I can’t say that I didn’t tried because God knows how much I did. I haven’t been so genuinely happy since the day I met you. Thank you so much for this one hell of a ride. You were the real reason why I’m living my dream. You are the reason why Im the woman I’am today. I’d spend lifetimes trying to repay you. Well atleast you know that there’s someone out there who’s capable of loving you so much. I hope you’ll find her, I know you will. I thank God for allowing me to share such experience (from movies, roadtrips, etc) with a man like you. I wish you all the best in life especially with your family. I love you, always..
Good bye, John…
felt about what? :o
well whatever it is, i hope youll get through it. and if so happened that u need someone to talk to, just TA me. :)